Uncategorized · weight loss

Setting myself free

This morning I stepped on the scale for the first time in a long time and it read 197.

197.

Normally I would have freaked out to see this number.  I would have cried.  Not today.

I have been telling myself a story this year that lead to this.  I need to rest, I need to take care of my mental health first, I need more sleep, I have been eating right, I don’t have time…

Truth is, exercise is the self-love I need.  Eating right is the self-love I need.  Motivation is the self-love I need.

I have been judging other people trying to make myself feel better.  That person is bigger than me, I must be healthier than them.  Did you see what she ate?  No wonder she’s the size she is…  Things like this.  Every.single.day.

Or the opposite.  I will never look like her, no matter how hard I work I will never look like that, I will never, I will never…so why try?

This self-deprecating behaviour is exhausting and I am truly done.  It’s time to work on true self-love, true-self care and no more comparison, because no one else is me.

I realized that I created my identity around my weight.  I was always the chubby one.  My weight was commented on since I was a child.  I would never be small, I was big boned, I was just a big girl.  I would lose weight every few years, then gain it all back within months.  I started to set myself goals – I will lose “x” pounds by June, I will do this I will finally wear a bathing suit this year.  Then I would proceed to tell myself a story about how I have stretch marks everywhere, so I will never wear a bathing suit anyway, so why try.  I’ll always have cellulite, so why try.

This is the end of those excuses because I am greater than them.  Today I am committing myself to the greatness I can be and I will stop carrying around all this extra weight – this extra hate.

I will be chronicling my journey here.

Thanks for reading.

Jacqueline

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