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Getting an education

become

I have some exciting news – I am going to university.

This September I turn 27 years old and for some reason it is quite frightening to me, those numbers.  2.7.  I feel I should have done more with my life – travelled more, read more, lived more.  But we can’t turn back time.

This decision to go back to school has been a giant step for me.  I have been struggling a lot in my current job.  I have been struggling a lot with my mental health, too.  But going to University, it feels like a dream.

About three years ago, I really started feeling the wanting to go to school.  I have spent most of my life feeling inadequate, uneducated, and not worthy of education.  And clearly, for a time, I gave up.  I went to college to get a “real” job.  I became a legal secretary.  During the past three years, I have poured over different university websites trying to decide what I would take, what would interest me.  I kept going back and telling myself I couldn’t do it.  I wasn’t capable of getting an education.  Switching back and forth and back and forth between the ideals of who and what I should be.  Who and what I am.

It has been incredibly difficult.  But turning the chapter on your life always is.  It made me think about how we are just the choices we make.  We can remain, complain, and muddle through – live the same years over and over again.  Or we can start again.  Growth.  That’s what life is about.

I look forward to writing about my classes, my books, my essays, and all the things that will make up the next four years.  I have been thinking on what will come after the undergraduate and feel I have a pretty solid plan.  However, I feel that the after is all most people want to know about.  You are going to school for an undergraduate – why?  What are you going to do after?  To me this means when are you going to graduate, get a real job, and live your life like a real adult?

The thing we need to realize is that this, right now, is our life.  There may never be an after. As morbid as it sounds, we are not immortal! Or the “after” plan could fail or falter.  The next four years of my life are dedicated to books and learning and growth.  And the “after” bit will come.  It always does – well, usually.

The inherent disappointment I have felt has hit hard, and from the people I thought would be my cheerleaders through it all.  But again the lesson always is to have no expectations from anyone.  I suppose it is much better to feel disappointment from others than disappointment from yourself.  And I do not want to wake up 20 years from now saying “I wish I had gone to school” and never have done it, never taken the step out of my comfort zone.

There is a quote I will leave you with which has sat with me for the past week:

We cannot become what we want by remaining what we are.

Thanks for reading.

Jacqueline

One thought on “Getting an education

  1. I am so thrilled to hear that you are pursuing what you love. I am sure you know that many people who achieved “success” did so at later times in their lives. Grandma Moses learned to paint when she was 70. Julia Child had her first cookbook published when she was 39. Vera Wang decided she wanted to design at age 40. Ray Kroc (the founder of McDonald’s) was over 50 when he bought his first McDonald’s. The list goes on.

    You need to follow your heart to find true happiness. You are so fortunate to have the support of Mark. You know you have my support, too. While I may not be as successful as Ray or Vera or Julia (YET!) I still have some time and I am so, so glad that I didn’t listen to those who didn’t believe in me and wanted me to keep a ‘regular’ job. But I still have time. 😉

    I know you will make your mark following your passion. I have faith in you and am so happy for you! You will ROCK this! 😀

    Sheila

    Like

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